Regarding the Jukebox
by SarasimStark
Summary: From the pen of Dr. Arkham. New rules and regulations involving the jukebox.
1. Regarding the Jukebox

  **From the Pen of Dr. Arkham. **

**    It has come to my attention that some of you have been misusing our new jukebox. There for I feel the need to clarify a few things.  **

**    Number one: You can only play a song once an hour.      **

**    Number Two: It is not a mechanical bull and I would appreciate it if you didn't use it like one. **

**     Number Three: Harley, it can't travel time for the future of mankind.                 **

**     Number Four: No combining it with the washer and dryer to create an unstoppable super-robot. **

**    That out of the way….**

**Songs Banned from the Arkham Asylum Jukebox **

**Poor Edward by Tom Waits.                                                **

**Reason: Two-Face wouldn't shut up for weeks afterwards.**

**Send in the Clowns by Steven Sondheim.                     **

**Reason: No! We don't want any clowns!**

**Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by ACDC                                 **

**Reason: They're too cheap as of lately.**

**I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor                                            **

** Reason: Too many inmates and staffers doing karaoke to this song. Dr. Arkham has a headache.                       **

_Would you mind not breathing so loud?_

_Signed,_

_Jerry_

**Any Village People or Barry Manilow song.                           **

**Reason: How do they sleep at night knowing how many riots they've caused?**

**"Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. **

**Reason: Ironically, the guy who turns this song on always seems to get stabbed repeatedly in the back immediately afterward.**

**Anything by boy bands. **

**Reason: see the Village People & Barry Manilow.**

**"I am Woman Hear Me Roar."                                              **

**Reason: They've been roaring too much as of late. **

**"My Dingaling" by Chuck Barry                                           **

** Reason: Do we really have to tell you?**

**"We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel**

**Reason: They lied.**

**"I will always love you" by Whitney Houston                          **

**Reason: Because it's a damned lie! Denise and I used to listen to that song late at night under the stars and the moon would hit her eye like a big pizza pie and suddenly her clothes would blow off and....**

**"Sunshine on my Shoulders"  **

**Reason: Reminds me of how gloomy things are here.**

**"Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows."    By Lesley Gore                  **

**Reason: See above **

**"Dr. Love" **

**Reason: Reminds me of aforementioned love life.**

**"Horse with no name" by ****America**

** Reason: Inmates keep shouting, "You're trapped in a friggin' desert. Name the Damn Horse!"**

**"****McArthur****Park****" by Donna Summers**

**Reason: Inmates keep shouting, "FORGET THE STUPID CAKE ALREADY!"**

**"Running Bear."                                                               **

**Reason: Too many riots, homicides, and suicides involving inmates and staff.**

**"Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down**

**Reason: Too many inmates shouting that they wish they had some.**

**"Gloomy Sunday" Any artists                                                             **

**Reason: Reminds us of our bleak existence and how little we get paid for this job.**

**Any Punk groups                                                              **

** Reason: Do we need to encourage dissent around here?**

**"Why Can't We be Friends?"**

** Reason: The inmates love to show you why.**

**Any interpretive dance music. **

**Reason: The guy who plays it rarely lives long enough to dance.**

**"Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffet.                                         **

** Reason: Strong sense of deja vu.**

**'Spoonful of Sugar" by Mary Poppins. Reason: Too many inmates starting riots over not getting sugar with their medicine.**

**"Blowing in the Wind" by Bob Dylan                                     **

**Reason: The answer is not blowing in the wind. The answer is at the bottom of a bottle. **

**"Livin' la Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin. **

**Reason: Too many inmates "livin' la vida loco."**

**"Burning Love" by Elvis Presley. **

**Reason: One word: Firefly.**

**Rap songs                                                                           **

** Reason: Our inmates have a colorful enough vocabulary.**

**"Live & Let Die" Reason: There are enough murders in this asylum thank you.**

**"I am the Walrus" by John Lennon                                         **

**Reason: You can only listen to it be sung drunkenly by the Joker so many times before it loses much of its charm.**

**"Go ask ****Alice****" by ****Jefferson**** Airplane.                                **

**Reason: The mad hatter. Enough said.**

**"Free Bird" by Duran Duran**

**Reason: Too many drunken karaoke nights.**


	2. More Songs Banned from the Jukebox

**   More songs banned from the Jukebox. **

**  "Ain't no Mountain high enough" **

**Reason: Obviously none of you have read the fine print on your restraining orders.**

**"She's got legs" by ZZ Top**

**Reason: And she'll use them in the family jewels if you don't stop smacking her on the ass every time she delivers your meds.**

**"Iron Man" by Black Sabbath**

**Reason: It's rapidly proving to be a very bad influence on Harley.**

**"Nasty Boys" by Janet Jackson**

**Reason: No one wants to see your nasty bodies move.**

**"Hotel California" by The Eagles**

**Reason: An altogether too accurate picture of life at this asylum.**

**"Ballroom Blitz" by The Sweet**

**Reason: See Hotel California**

**Any Spice Girls song**

**Reason: We're tired of hearing what our inmates want what they really really want.**

**"Vacation" by The Go-Gos**

**Reason: It'll never happen. Let go of the dream.**

**"Just Like A Pill" by Pink**

**Reason: It's lies all of it. Do you think we get ulcers, gray hairs, migraines, loss sleep, and lousy pay because we enjoy torturing you? We are trying to help you and it would be nice if we could go one week without a riot and if people would actually pretend to listen when I talk.**

**"Dream On" by Aerosmith**

**Reason: Read all of the above.**

**"Do you really want to hurt me?" by Boy George**

**Reason: The answer is always yes.**

**"Bitch" by Meredith Brooks**

**Reason: Obviously you haven't met Poison Ivy.**

**"Crazy" by Patsy Cline**

**Reason: Just look at the title.**

**Any Insane Clown Posse songs**

**Reason: Joker keeps screaming about copyrights and lawsuits.**

**"I fall to pieces." By Patsy Cline**

**Reason: It happens altogether too often at this place.**

**"Get Happy" **

**Reason: Like that'll ever happen.**

**"Don't Worry, Be Happy."**

**Reason: Ditto.**

**"Zip-a-dee-doo-da" Disney**

**Reason: Do I really have to say it? I come to work every day doing the same thankless job that was foisted upon me trying to cure groupies and acid freaks who decide what they want for breakfast by flipping a coin and I come home to a wife who criticizes everything I do than asks why I work late so often. Not to mention that every**

**time you guys bust out and cause mayhem, I get blamed for it.  Yet they keep sending them back into my care. Not to mention that blasted Bat….**

    Just then Dr. Leland stuck a syringe in his arm. "I'm sorry I had to do this but you were carrying on louder than usual, " she said. 

       Dr. Arkham dropped to the floor. His last thought before he lost conscious, "At last a vacation."


End file.
